Last weekend, my son met a special goldfish at the town fair. Goldie was the lucky fish that my son won after he dropped some plastic balls into a fish bowl (I actually paid five dollars for it). Goldie was fished out of this shit-filled fish tank with 300 other fish. I nearly puked when I opened up the plastic baggie that Goldie was transported in. Well folks, Goldie floated on up to the pearly gates where she’s swimming around in a heavenly blue lagoon. Goldie is now thankful for the opportunity to be a contestant in a beauty pageant, where Goldie can be her true Trannie self. She is probably wearing her ginormous Payless stiletto heels and granny style Vegas gowns to all the beauty pageants, “Baby I was Born This Way.” Goldie won because she is the hardest working goldfish out there. She was bright-ass orange. She had gold eyes with black pinned pupils that were so intense she looked like a cracked out, speed freak. She had raggedy fins because she came from a hard background and suffered from the cycles of domestic violence from an asshole boyfriend. She constantly blew bubbles to the top of the tank with perfection. She constantly wore an expression on her face of either her Zen like energy or her “I’m clueless” face. My little boy had the sads in a major way. Rest in Peace Goldie. This video says it all.